6 Looks For The Global Day of Jihad
Followers of Islam, the religion of peace, have declared a Global Day of Jihad against the West. Here are 6 fashion ideas to avoid appearing like an infidel, as created by A.I.
In case you missed it, cranky Muslims from the “religion of peace” have declared (yet another) day of rage against the West for Thursday, November 9th. If this feels like deja vu, it is. Muslim terrorists called for a day of terror a few Fridays ago and there weren’t many biters–– the second time is a charm, I guess.
(Anti-Jihad icon Pamela Geller calls out the second day of rage)
While pro-Palestenian organizers are (officially) only calling for walkouts and strikes in support of Palestine, the language they are using calling it a “day of rage” is identical to the call for terror a few weeks ago and should be interpreted as another veiled threat of terror.
The motivation for this round of jihad is the same as the last one. Palestinian Hamas is upset that the West is rightly supporting Israel whom Hamas attacked without provocation.
It is a testament to our immigration system that Americans must now be concerned with terror threats from backward and savage nations several oceans away. When America was founded, it was almost entirely Protestant, with small clusters of Jewish populations in places like Charleston. Islamic terror was not a problem in our country for the first 200 years of our existence. Now, Islamic terror and the threat of Islamic terror are a persistent problem.
Since our leaders have been calling for the entrance of thousands of Palestinian refugees into our country, flying Palestinian flags outside their offices, and President Biden has lifted the travel ban on hotbeds of Islamic terror, one can not be too careful today. If you plan on going out, it may be helpful to appear the least amount of infidel as possible.
Here are 6 looks to help you blend in, as created by AI.
The Baghdad Beefcake
Perfect way to upcycle America’s decline
This could be one of the season’s hottest looks. Mixing styles is in right now and this unique look mixes traditional jihadi headwear with thrifted threads left behind at our bases in Afghanistan. American cowardice never looked so vogue!
Osama Been Layering
Layering never goes out of style, even in wartime! However, binge eating after your Ramadan fast may have made you a bit porky…. Oh, wait not pork! No, not pork! Tubby, will do. Anyway, do not fret! This is the look for you! A carefully placed tactical belt is certain to draw attention away from your weight struggles and a stylish ticking backpack will let Jihadis know that while you are always fashionably late, you plan to keep your date with your 72 virgins.
Inshall’lot of Accessories
Is that the detonator switch or are you just happy to see me? This look will definitely pop at any function. The tastefully revealing speedo will let your terrorist cell know that C4 is not the only thing you are packing!
Dolce & Gadaffi
This is the look for the woman who has it all–– including a third arm. While inbreeding has resulted in an average of a 30-point IQ drop among Middle Eastern children when compared to Western children, these genetic mutations have not (yet) yielded third arms for most. If you lack a third arm and are in a pinch, we recommend waiting for an explosion and then gathering limbs you think are personalizable!
Mazooms of Mecca
This is perhaps the riskiest of all the looks we have assembled this season, we recommend only using it if the global day of jihad falls on date night with your husband. Out of all of his wives, you’ll be his favorite.
The Houte Hostage
97% of hostages say that they regret not accessorizing more. All eyes are going to be on you in those proof-of-life films, make every shot count! If you decide to pretend to be a hostage to avoid the fires of International Jihad Day, make sure to look your best; if you end up actually being taken hostage, it could serve as a networking opportunity and you want to make a good impression. We recommend a silk scarf for eyewear, it is breathable and unlikely to come off and muss your hair during a hostage exchange.
The most important thing to remember is to have fun with it! You may be dressed as a suicide bomber but you don’t have to look suicidal. Fortunately, (thanks to our immigration system) Global Days of Jihad are like the McRib, if you miss this one, it will soon be back!
